I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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