One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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