I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This baby is an asshole
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
