I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
