that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
