my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
