Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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