He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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