Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Randomize
