he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When did angry sex become our thing?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
