Don't make out with my wife yet
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
