I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
