After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
