i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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