everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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