a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
