He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize