Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize