How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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