my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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