Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Girls should come with a carfax report
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize