i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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