Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
