Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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