You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
