It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am spending my child support on dildos
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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