Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
