Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
