can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
