i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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