I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
