my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
