Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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