Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
