so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
