i think my tv is drunk
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
