I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
