I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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