Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
