We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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