WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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