i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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