I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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