we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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