she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
