i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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