I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
