I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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