JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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