I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
