Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
