we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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