dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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