It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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