shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
