you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
