New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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