Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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