Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
