Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
