That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We need to rekindle our bromance
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
