you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
