so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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