Your tits are I can't wait for
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
