If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
